did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
