so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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