I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
