so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
