Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
