oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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