I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
