What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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