I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
