Don't EVER smell your tampon
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
