We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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