your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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