ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you will always have a special place in my vag
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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