Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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