She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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