her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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