Me. At least after what I've been through.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Randomize
