Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize