I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
