allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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