I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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