Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
