apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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