Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
