i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
