I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
