he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
