We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize