I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
