She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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