her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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