i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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