A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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