I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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