u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
