Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
