They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
