Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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