things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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