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he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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