The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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