Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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