We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
