so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
