i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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