I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
