Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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