I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
