mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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