it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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