I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
