i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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