Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
