i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize