It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
