dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
