My friends, they love my intelligence
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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