eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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