one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
