I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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