walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
