I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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