yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
