I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
