thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
